Cromwell

Newt Gingrich

Feminine itch

Dennis Hastert

Out to pasture

 

John Boehner

Eric Cantor

K. McCarthy

See you later.

 

Paul Ryan

Next in line?

Pretty soon

He’ll be dyin’.

The ideal thing would be to create a parody of “Volare,” but I can’t write in Italian, so this will have to do:

I was posted in Benghazi

When the uprising went down.

You could see the trouble brewing.

There was anarchy in town.

 

Armed gangs were approaching

The embassy that day.

We tried to call for help, but

All help was far away.

 

They blew up everything they could

And left the place a ruin.

We did our best to stop them, but

It was nothing doing.

 

I’d like to think that all my friends

Didn’t die in vain.

But the squabbling that ensued

Deserves only disdain.

 

Investigate, for all you’re worth

The failures that took place.

But don’t forget our tragedy

Still has a human face.

 

Election time is drawing near.

A reckoning’s at hand.

But please think twice before you draw

New lines in the sand.

Here come old hat head

He come flying his jet plane

He got golden bombast

He one golf course shaman

He got brains just above his knees

Got to be a joker ’cause he’s good on TV

 

He wear no toupee

He got high fence fever

He got Fox News bluster

He shoot Guatemalans

He say “I and I and I and me”

One thing I can tell you is my time isn’t free.

 

Come together, right now, over me.

 

Parody of “Come Together” by Lennon/McCartney

Lines of cold, exhausted people

Trudging down the road.

Their possessions on their backs.

It’s not a heavy load.

 

Braving dogs and border guards.

Smugglers take their fees.

Crowded trains and leaky boats.

Praying to be free.

 

It’s the Crusades in reverse.

As far as I can tell,

If the journey’s bad as this

Then home’s a living hell.

The GOP stalwart named Trey

Just wanted to do things his way.

He told his committee

“Don’t show any pity.”

“We’re going to get Clinton today.”

(This is a crossover Cromwell event–kind of like combining Chicago Fire and Chicago PD).

It is fairly common to view Trump and Sanders as right-wing and left-wing versions of the same phenomenon:  the surging outsider taking on the establishment by speaking without a filter.  I get that, but I think the comparison does a disservice to Sanders, for three reasons:

1. Sanders is truly authentic; Trump isn’t.  The latter has played a character named “Donald Trump” on a reality show for the last several years.  How authentic can he be?
2. Sanders believes what he says; Trump may not.  As I noted in a previous post, there is plenty of reason to believe that Trump’s obnoxious position on immigration is based solely on opportunism.  In a strange way, that actually makes him look better, rather than worse.
3. Sanders is a real politician; Trump is a celebrity playing a politician.  No further elaboration on this point is necessary.

So what happens to the Keystone Pipeline now?

I’ve got those dirty lowdown House Speaker blues.

Election’s coming, and I think we’re gonna lose.

The time is coming when the party’s gotta choose

A decent candidate, or someone like Ted Cruz.

 

I tried to lead, and the party slapped me down.

Now no one’s stepping up to turn the ship around.

It all is making us look like a bunch of clowns.

Can’t say I’m sorry I’ll no longer be around.

 

I’ve got the blues.

The Tea Party blues.

My face is orange

But the rest of me is blue.

I tried my best

Don’t know what else I could do.

It’s time to go back home

And leave it up to you.

Jeb! laid out his Obamacare replacement plan last week.  Rubio’s plan was unveiled a couple of months ago.  The plans have already been reviewed individually in other publications, and there are gaps in the available information about them, so I don’t propose to analyze them in detail, but it is worth looking at the essential similarities and differences, because they tell us something important about the aspirations of the two candidates.

What they have in common:

1. Elimination of the individual and employer mandates.  Translation:  Thank God my sacred right to be uninsured is being returned to me!  I will cherish it as much as my rights to be poor and homeless.
2. Elimination of some aspects of community rating.  Translation:  Health care is a consumer good and an individual responsibility that is little different from any other.   If you’re sick, it’s probably your own fault.  Don’t stick the healthy and wealthy with the bill for your unhealthy behavior.
3. Elimination of Medicaid expansion.  Translation:  No more free stuff for moochers!
4. Elimination of cost control measures.  Translation:  We sure could use some additional campaign contributions from health care providers.

Where they differ:

1.  Jeb!care’s emphasis on federalism.  Translation:  Dumping difficult problems like pre-existing conditions on the states is good politics.  Anyway, I was a governor, so it makes sense to delegate important issues to people like me.
2. Marcocare’s attempt to push people out of employer plans and into individual plans.  Translation:  I’m new, I’m bold, and I want to make the welfare state work in the days of the Uber economy.

Final judgment:  Regardless of the wisdom of Marco’s plan to equalize the tax treatment of employer-based plans and individual policies, it is going to be unpopular, and it is going to hurt him both in the primaries and, if he gets that far, in the general election.

The senator from my home state.

His campaign is looking just great.

The talent is there

But I don’t really care

It’s his policy views that I hate.

 

Mondays will be “Marco Mondays” on this blog until further notice.  I suppose I can change to “Merkel Mondays” if I run out of material, but we’ll see.

 

Used to be my buddy

In the Sunshine State.

Turned into my rival

Now things don’t look so great.

 

Fighting in New Hampshire.

Scrapping on the news.

Everywhere I’m hearing

I’m really gonna lose.

 

Cause you stole my donors

And you stole my friends.

And my polls are slipping.

Will it never end?

 

Oh, Rubio

Man, it’s hard to forgive.

Oh, Rubio

Man, it’s hard to forgive.

To forgive.

 

Parody of “Baltimore” by Randy Newman.

A homeless man is loitering outside of Blair House.  A security guard comes to investigate.

G:  What are you doing?

HM:  I’m waiting for Biden.

G:  I’ve heard that he’s bidin’ his time.  (slaps knee)

HM:  I bet you’ve used that line before.

G:  What are you waiting for him to do?

HM:  To run.

G:  For what?

HM:  For President.

G:  For President of what?

HM:  America.

G:  What’s America?

HM:  The land of the free.  You, me, everyone and everything.

G:  Even Putin?

HM:  Well, not Putin.

G:  Why does he have to run?  Can’t he just walk?

HM:  Because it’s a race.

G:  What kind of a race?

HM:  I’ve heard it’s a marathon.

G:  He’s kind of old for a marathon.  Who else is running?

HM:  Hillary.

G:  Like the guy who climbed Everest?

HM:  Sort of.  Beating her will be climbing a mountain, too.

G:  Can he beat her?

HM:  With what, a stick?  Sure.  He’s a guy, after all.

G:  No, in the race.

HM:  Probably not, because his heart may not be in it.

G:  Well, if your heart isn’t in something, you probably shouldn’t do it.

A second homeless man walks by.

HM#2:  What are you doing?

HM and G:  We’re waiting for Biden.

 

Matt Yglesias on Vox.com has an excellent analysis of conditions in Denmark that should be required reading for all of you who want to feel the Bern.  I would like to add a few items to explain why the US will never, and probably should never, have the same sort of welfare state as the Danes:

1.  Religion is not an issue in Denmark.   There is a clear correlation in this country between evangelical Christians and hostility to the welfare state (consider Ben Carson’s recent remarks on charity, for example).  That kind of ideology is unimportant in Denmark.
2. Rural voters have less clout in Denmark.   Most of the population lives in or around Copenhagen; by all accounts, the rural population is dwindling pretty rapidly.  As a result, there is much less of a red/blue political and cultural divide than we have here.
3. The population is more ethnically homogeneous in Denmark.  I think Yglesias is wrong to soft-pedal the racist element of opposition to the welfare state in the US.
4. There is more small government DNA in our system.  Like it or not, our country was built by people who were fleeing government oppression elsewhere, not by people demanding “free stuff.”
5. The US is more dynamic than Denmark.  How many Danish artists, intellectuals, and political figures can you name?  Didn’t think so.  Our dynamism is partly the result of inequality that is limited by a large welfare state.

I’ve been to Denmark.  It is a beautiful country, and it has excellent public facilities.  It also costs $100.00 for two people to eat out there unless you go to a fast food restaurant.  That’s the tradeoff.

I wouldn’t mind it at all if we lived more like the Danes than we do now, but I think it is both wise and inevitable for us to accept a bit more inequality in exchange for a more vibrant society than they do.

The Democrat maverick named Bern.

For the days of Glass-Steagall he yearned.

He’d break up the banks

They responded, “No thanks.”

“To our Washington friends we will turn.”

 

For those of you who are eager to feel more of the Bern, Saturday, until further notice, will be “Sandersday” on this blog.

There are two Ronald Reagans:  one was the flesh and blood 40th President of the United States;  while the other is a figment of the collective imagination of today’s GOP.  Any resemblance between the two is mostly coincidental.

Consider the following:

1. Taxes:  “Reagan” would never, ever, ever raise any kind of tax under any circumstances.  Reagan cut taxes significantly, but subsequently raised them by a lesser amount.
2. Spending:  “Reagan” cut the size of the federal government.  Reagan substantially increased the defense budget, and largely gave up trying to cut domestic programs in the face of public hostility after the “ketchup is a vegetable” episode and the Stockman “Trojan Horse” interview.                                      
3. Negotiations with Adversaries:  “Reagan” never made deals with our enemies; he used American strength to impose our will on them.  Reagan negotiated with the Soviet Union and was responsible for Iran/Contra.
4. Foreign Military Adventures:  “Reagan” used American power to end the Cold War.  Reagan limited himself to a fiasco in Lebanon and a parade in Grenada.
5. Reputation Abroad:  “Reagan,” through his adept leadership, united the Free World.  Reagan was a highly polarizing figure in Europe due to his bellicose rhetoric, although his bark was much worse than his bite.

Will the GOP ever learn the right lessons from Reagan and “Reagan?”  As of now, the answer is no, and the party is not fit to exercise power as a result.