Donald Trump is working late in Versailles-in-the-Sky when he is suddenly felled by a great flash of light. He starts to pick himself up.
God: You may rise.
DT: Who the hell are you?
God: God, of course. Who else could do that to you?
DT: Around here, I’m the only god.
God: I’m afraid you were wrong about that. Do you know why I’m here?
DT: Is this about the bathroom thing? I’m going to fix that when I take office, you know.
God: I’m here to tell you that you’re my instrument.
DT: No, you’re my instrument. I couldn’t have done it without all those evangelicals.
God: Don’t be impertinent. Can you guess why I chose you?
DT: Beats me.
God: I’ve picked you to scourge America.
DT: So the evangelicals were right! It is all about gay marriage!
God: No, it’s about humility and tolerance. You’re going to show them the errors of their ways.
DT: How?
God: Do you ever listen to yourself talk?
DT: You must be one of those people who takes me literally, but not seriously.
God: Where I come from, not being taken literally is called lying. It violates a commandment.
DT: You didn’t have to run for your job.
God: You have a point there, although you were a liar long before you ran for office.
DT: Can I ask you a question?
God: I suppose so.
DT: Will I go to heaven?
God: Of course not. You don’t believe anything I ever said.
DT: But I’ve heard you’ll let anyone in, and the place is going to hell in a hand basket. I can fix that and make heaven great again!
God: That’s exactly why you can’t get in. Anything else?
DT: Is heaven as beautiful as Trump Tower?
God: Are you kidding? I have good taste.
DT: But look at all the gold in here!
God: You’re already in hell. You just don’t know it.