Pete Hegseth has come to the Oval Office to talk about life and times.
T: Heggy! It’s the 25th anniversary of 9/11. What are you doing to commemorate the event?
H: Well, first of all, I’m firing a bunch of generals and replacing them with competent white men. It’s all part of the war on DEI.
T: Excellent!
H: You know even better than I that only conservative white Christian men are fit to lead this country. They’re the only ones who are truly competent. Everyone else is a DEI baby. They have to go.
T: Right. Anything else?
H: We’re all thanking Jesus for sparing you on 9/11. Your heroism on that day was inspiring. I don’t think the country would have survived without you.
T: That’s true. The fake news just doesn’t get it. In light of the occasion, what are you doing to fight the real terrorist threat?
H: You mean, the radical Marxist Democrats?
T: Exactly!
H: They’re the real threat now. We crushed all of the foreigners. They call you “Sir.”
T: So what are you doing to save America from the left?
H: Working every day to change the culture. The military needs to know you’re the boss, and all that stuff about the Constitution is eyewash. They will obey your orders without question. Even if you tell them to shoot unarmed protesters and arrest opposition politicians.
T: Excellent! There are people out there who say that you’re incompetent, because you were lax about secrets, replaced good leaders with suck-ups, and failed to win the war in Iran. They just don’t understand what the real mission is here.
H: Absolutely! And don’t worry about Iran. It’s under control. We’ll win in the end, because you’re a winner. Everything you touch always turns out OK. It’s God’s will.
T: A man after my own heart. You even sound like me. Now go out and fire those DEI babies!