Susie Wiles has come to the Oval Office to talk about the election.
W: Are you prepared for what happens after Tuesday? We’re going to lose, you know. Bigly.
T: Aren’t you forgetting something?
W: What’s that?
T: I’m a winner. I always win, no matter what. Unless the other side is cheating, of course.
W: All of the polls say we’re going to lose. Including ours.
T: Fake news. The polls always underestimate me. We’ll win. Trust me. Trust me.
W: In North Carolina? We’re not even on the air anymore.
T: Lousy candidate. That’s not my fault.
W: You handpicked him. Who else’s fault is it?
T: It’s his fault. He focused exclusively on crime instead of talking about what a great job I’m doing. What do you expect would happen?
W: South Carolina. We could even lose there.
T: We won’t. I held lots of rallies there. The people love me. They’ll love Lindsey’s sister if they love me.
W: Iowa?
T: Lazy candidate, but we’ll win there. Anywhere I held rallies, we’ll win. Anyway, the heartland hates liberal elitists.
W: Maine?
T: Collins is not my problem. She doesn’t support me. She’s on her own.
W: Alaska?
T: The Democrats are cheating there, as usual. The DOJ will take care of it.
W: Ohio?
T: Ramaswamy should have stuck to his guns with that commercial. Now he’s going to drag the whole ticket down. He should have taken my advice and stayed the course.
W: Texas? We wouldn’t have a problem if we had a better candidate.
T: Paxton will win. He stands tall for MAGA and me even when everyone else runs away. The only problem with him is his looks. He’s too ugly to be a good candidate.
W: What happens if your predictions are wrong? How will that be a win?
T: I’ll have a plausible foil and someone to blame if things go wrong. That’s a win. I win no matter what.
W: We’ll see. I certainly hope you’re right.