April 1, 1945
German Fuhrer Adolf Hitler assured his countrymen that the war was going well and that total victory was imminent at a press conference yesterday morning. When asked about reports that Allied troops had already moved into Germany, he dismissed them as “fake news.” When it was noted that this information had actually come from his own propaganda department, he said that any German defeats were caused by the Jews, not him. Upon being advised that the Jews had been exterminated, so they couldn’t be responsible for any German defeats, Hitler then blamed Mussolini for failing to carry his part of the load. When a reporter pointed out that Mussolini had been dead for some time, Hitler called the question “nasty” and stormed out of the room.
(To make this clear, I’m not saying Trump is Hitler; he’s way too lazy and narcissistic for that, and, to his credit, he much prefers trade wars to the shooting kind. That’s why the date on this is April Fools’ Day. It cannot be denied, however, that the two share some unsavory tactics and personality traits–telling outrageous lies and shifting blame to implausible scapegoats are among them.)