The thing you need to understand about Jesus is that he wasn’t from the big city. He wasn’t some illegal immigrant or coastal elite guy. He was one of us. He was a red person. He loved country music and NASCAR, not hip-hop and the NBA.
But the day came when he had to go to the city to bring his message to the blue people. And so, he packed up his big black SUV–Jesus was a huge fan of fossil fuels–and headed for Jerusalem. He had a big rally when he got there. The crowds were enormous–the biggest ever, of course.
He went directly to the home of woke capitalism after the rally to set the people straight. When he told off the woke bosses, the deep state retaliated. They weren’t going to let him get away with it. Something had to be done.
A lesser man would have just accepted his fate, but not our Jesus. He had an arsenal of AR-15s in his SUV–like us, he always packed heat–and he wasn’t going down without a fight. He and his disciples took over the temple and shot it out with the Romans and the Jews. It looked like something out of “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.”
In the end, the temple was destroyed, and Jesus was killed–just like in Waco. But he was resurrected and then reincarnated as the GOP nominee for president. Why do you think we love him so much?