Lindsey Graham is back in the Oval Office to talk about foreign policy.
G: I still can’t get over how gold this place is! It’s blinding me!
T: That’s the point, Linseed. It reminds you of what a winner I am.
G: As in your latest triumph in Venezuela.
T: Right. There was a point when I was worried that the helicopters might not make it. It might be another Jimmy Carter episode. But then I remembered, Jimmy Carter was a loser, and I’m a winner. The helicopters made it because I’m a winner.
G: But what happens now? You’ve always been opposed to regime change.
T: We have a better way of doing regime change. We keep the thugs in place, but we force them to do our bidding. No troops on the ground.
G: MAGA will approve of that, but can you really trust the regime to take orders from you? They’ll probably just slow roll what you want and hope you lose interest.
T: If they start doing that, we’ll make them offers they can’t refuse. Trust me, no one gets away with ignoring my will. I’m the boss. They have to do what I say.
G: But what if they don’t? What if you have to send in the troops and occupy the country?
T: It won’t happen. They know I’m the boss. That’s it.
G: What about Cuba?
T: Cuba doesn’t have oil or minerals. It has a basket case economy and lots of old people who didn’t have the energy to leave and start over. Why would I want it?
G: Don’t you want to free the people from the Marxist yoke?
T: Marco does. I’ll leave it to him. We’re not sending troops there, however. It’s not worth it. It wouldn’t help make us rich.
G: And Greenland? Would you really break up NATO when we have all the rights we need to extract minerals and establish bases?
T: We’re the boss of the hemisphere, Linseed. We have to own it. There’s nothing like ownership. I know from my developer days.
G: So you’re prepared to go to war for it?
T: I hope it won’t be necessary. The Europeans give me everything I want when I push them really hard. We’ll be doing that again. They’re more afraid of China and Putin than they are of me, so they’ll give in when push comes to shove.
G: Well, I hope you’re right. Losing NATO would be a big mistake. (He leaves)