The Fake Interview Series: Bannon, Part Two

After a brief break, the conversation continues.

C:  Next, I’d like to ask you some questions about racism.

B:  I’m not a racist.  I’m a patriot.

C:  What do you mean by that?

B:  I have a great emotional appreciation of America and its culture.  I recognize the intellectual roots of it–in religion, politics, and philosophy– come from Europe.  I will fight to protect it against outsiders, whether they come from the Middle East, China, or wherever.

C:  Do you view African-Americans as outsiders?

B:  Obviously, they have made some important contributions to our culture.  But basically, yes.

C:  Are you familiar with Ta-Nehisi Coates?

B:  Absolutely!  I’m his biggest fan.

C:  Why?

B:  Because every time he opens his mouth about reparations, he wins us another million votes from hard-working white people who don’t see any reason why they should feel guilty about being white.  The point of revolution is to force people who are on the fence to actively take your side.  That’s exactly what he does for us.

C:  All of the statistics back up his claim that African-Americans get a raw deal in this country.  Don’t you think he has a point?

B:  Look, I admit that black people have been treated unfairly at times in the past. The bottom line is that the statute of limitations has to run on claims like that at some point in time.  Otherwise, we would have to give our country back to the Indians.  Slavery and Jim Crow are over.  It’s time to move on.

C:  You will admit that some of your supporters are outright racist?

B:  Sure.  There are extremists in every group.  I have no sympathy for Nazis.  I do have sympathy for struggling white people who think that the government is determined to punish them for being white, and who have good reason to believe that minorities get cuts in line.

C:  Let’s talk about protectionism for a minute.  What do you hope to accomplish with that?

B:  We’ll make America great again, of course!

C:  By reducing GDP growth both here and abroad?

B:  Ultimately, it would increase growth here.

C:  Let’s use an example.  You presumably view hard-working white Christian farmers as the kind of people that you want to protect.  The bottom line is that retaliation for American protectionist actions will prevent them from exporting to places like Mexico and Japan and will cost them lots of money.  It’s already happening.  Is, say, protecting steelworkers worth hurting those farmers, to say nothing of driving up prices for everyone else?

B:  You can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs.  Anyway, in the long run, the foreigners need our markets more than we need theirs, so they’ll cave. You just have to be firm with them.

C:  There is a famous photo of your whiteboard with “taxes” in the middle.  Why was that?

B:  Tax cuts are a means by which we can actually give some clear and immediate relief to Americans who really need it.

C:  Does the current GOP tax plan do that?

B:  No.  It’s a disaster.  It’s the same old crap that the business elite have been forcing on us in exchange for illusory promises on social issues.  We need tax relief for working people, not Wall Street plutocrats.

C:  Sometimes you sound more like a Democrat than a Republican.

B:  There is some convergence of our views on this issue.

C:  Time is running short, so I have one last question.  You obviously have a vision of international relations that puts more emphasis on independent sovereign nations and less on international institutions.  On the other hand, you want the sovereign nations to be united in the battles against Islam and the Chinese.  How do you reconcile the two?  If everyone is a nationalist, how can you get them to cooperate instead of doing battle with each other?

B:  It’s tricky, admittedly, but if you work hard to keep everyone’s eye on the ball, it can be done.

C:  Thanks for your time.

The interview concludes.