IT’S 5:00 ON DECEMBER 24. BOB CRATCHIT IS WORKING IN HIS CUBICLE AT SCROOGE LLC WHEN THE BOSS, IN “MANAGING BY WALKING AROUND” MODE, COMES BY.
BC: Mr. Scrooge, sir.
S: What is it (LOOKS FOR NAME ON THE CUBICLE) . . . Cratchit?
BC: Can I please have tomorrow off, sir?
S: Why?
BC: Why, it’s Christmas, sir.
S: Not in China, it isn’t. How am I supposed to compete with those people and their low labor costs if I give people free time off? As it is, things are so bad that I may have to fire the lot of you and give your jobs to illegal immigrants.
BC: Donald Trump wouldn’t like that very much.
S: Who cares? His stupid trade war is killing me. Now the markets are falling, and we’re looking at a possible recession. Don’t quote him to me.
BC: Wow, you’ve really soured on him in the last year. What about your tax cut?
S: It was a nice gesture, to be sure, but I never paid much in taxes anyway. Paying taxes is for losers like you.
BC: At least he didn’t succeed in repealing Obamacare. We couldn’t get by without it. I have a special needs child, you know.
SCROOGE PEERS INTO THE CUBICLE AGAIN AND SEES A PHOTO OF TINY TIM.
S: Is that him?
BC: Yes, sir.
SCROOGE HOBBLES AROUND THE OFFICE WITH AN EXAGGERATED LIMP.
BC: He’s in really bad shape, sir. Why are you making fun of him?
S: I don’t have time for that political correctness crap.
BC: You sound just like Trump.
S: On his more lucid days, he makes me proud to be an American again. I just wish he would have a few more of them and stop the trade war.
BC: But what about Christmas?
S: You’ll probably complain to some stupid federal agency that Trump hasn’t abolished yet if I don’t give you a day off, so you can stay home. But keep your phone on–I will send you some spreadsheets to analyze.
HE THINKS FOR A MINUTE.
S: Hey, there’s an idea! You could be an independent contractor. . .