If I had the ability to do caricatures, I would draw Ted Cruz as a vampire; it’s just something about the way he looks and the gloom he projects. With that as background, let’s see how he stacks up against the best known vampire of them all:
Cruz v. Dracula
Gloomy presence Yes Yes
Viewed by establishment Hated Feared
Active at night Debates; filibusters Drinks blood
Attractive to Reactionaries Women
Ambition Presidency Perpetual life
And the winner is . . . Dracula. Cruz is still way behind in the polls.