Greg Abbott has been summoned to the White House. He thinks he is there to take a victory lap for his successful Trump-inspired House gerrymander. Boy, is he in for a surprise!
T: Welcome, Governor.
A: We delivered for you, Mr. President. We got you the extra five seats. It could be enough to keep control of the House next year.
T: Good work, Governor. I appreciate it. Now we need to get started on Phase II.
A: What do you mean? Our work is done. There’s nothing left to do.
T: You’ve only solved my problem with the House. We have to deal with the Senate, too.
A: But the Senate is elected by states. We can’t change state boundaries.
T: That’s where you’re wrong, Governor. Texas is way too big to be one state. We’re going to divide it into three different states–East, West, and Central Texas. That will give me four more senators. You can be the governor of whichever one you want.
A: But that’s ridiculous. Texas has always been one state. Lone star, one state. That’s our history.
T: What’s that to me? Don’t forget–it’s not about you or the people of Texas. It’s about me. It’s always about me. God saved me to make America great again. God wants Texas to be three states.
A: It can’t be done without public support, and this ask is impossible. Texans see themselves as one.
T: Listen, Hot Wheels. You’ll do as I say, or the base will destroy you, and Ken Paxton will wind up running all three Texas states.
A: Please don’t call me that. That’s a Democrat slur.
T: At least one of the Democrats has figured out how to sound like me. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. It’s kind of funny, too.
A: Anyway, I don’t see how I can make this work.
T: You’ll find a way, or the base will find you. Now go. (Abbott leaves)