This afternoon, President Trump announced that he had fired all of the tens of thousands of teachers of science classes in the United States. Why? Because they persisted in instructing their students about the laws of gravity.
A spokesman for the administration told the media that Trump, in his eternal awesomeness, transcended anything which previously passed for a law of physics. In the new administration, unlike any of the old ones, things would go up and never come down. Anyone suggesting otherwise was clearly woke and richly deserved to be fired.
A representative for the teachers stated that a lawsuit was imminent, as Trump has no authority to fire them. The issue will ultimately be resolved by the Supreme Court, most likely on the emergency docket without an opinion.