One of Trump’s attorneys has come to Mar-a-Lago to prep him for his upcoming New York trial. He has a pretty good idea what to expect from him.
A: Good morning, Mr. Trump.
T: Damn right it’s a good morning! You know why? Because I’m finally going to get my vengeance on that racist New York prosecutor.
A: I’ll do my best to get you justice.
T: No, I mean VENGEANCE! I want to see blood! They need to pay for what they’ve done to me!
A: This is a courtroom, not the OK Corral. And I know you like to compare yourself to Al Capone, but trials aren’t the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.
T: This one needs to be different! And that pipsqueak Cohen! I want him destroyed. DESTROYED! Do you hear me? That’s what Roy Cohn would do.
A: Roy Cohn is dead, and my job is to convince a jury to acquit you. That means showing you in the best possible light.
T: I can’t wait to get on the stand. It’s the best form of campaigning. I’ll show all of liberal America what I think of them. The base will love it.
A: There are several problems with that.
T: What?
A: First of all, the trial won’t be on TV.
T: Make them put it on TV. The rules don’t apply to me. I’m the f— PRESIDENT, for God’s sake!
A: I’ll try, but it probably won’t work. Next, the judge won’t let you pontificate on the stand. He’ll shut you down.
T: Again, it’s your job to keep him under control. I have a First Amendment right to say whatever I want. Plus, I’m Donald Trump. The rules don’t apply to me.
A: Based on what has happened so far, you really need to be on your best behavior, because you need to look like a victim to the jury.
T: I’m good at playing a victim. And I have some ideas about who should be on the jury.
A: I’m listening.
T: We need as many small business owners as possible. Guys who hustle for a living. They know how tough it is out there. They do whatever they have to do to get by. Those people love me.
A: That makes sense. What else?
T: The poorly educated. They love me, and I love them.
A: I can’t imagine why. I’ll keep it in mind. The last thing is, I’m going to do my best to keep you off the stand.
T: WHY? IT’S MY PLATFORM! IT’S HOW I RUN FOR PRESIDENT!
A: Because you’re the guy who told 30,000 lies while in office. If you testify, you may be asked about every one of them.
T: That’s from that prick Jeff Bezos. He’s the liar. HE’S THE LIAR!
A: If we manage to destroy Cohen, and I’ll do my best, we may be able to keep you off the stand. That would be best for everyone. But we may need to put you on. If we do, you’re going to have to keep control of yourself. Looking like an angry maniac won’t help the cause.
T: I’ll just be me. It’s always worked before. It always will. I’m here for a purpose, you know. Little people can’t touch me.
A: That’s enough for today.