August, 1940
President Donald Trump and German Fuhrer Adolf Hitler unveiled an agreement this morning which divides the British Empire in two. America will be entitled to all British possessions in the Western Hemisphere, the Pacific, and Southeast Asia; the Germans get the rest.
Trump indicated he had some regrets about making the deal, in that he had great respect for the royal family and British culture, but he added “The British are losers. They’ve lost the war. We have to move on and do what’s best for our country. America first!”
When asked about Hitler and his ambitions for the future, Trump said “Hitler has done some tough things. He’s very tough. Some people have been killed. Is he really responsible? Who knows? All I know is that it’s a tough world, and sometimes you have to do bad things to get ahead.” He also stated that America was getting the better of the deal, as would be expected from such a master negotiator, in that Germany would be stuck with “sh—hole” countries in Africa.
Trump further indicated that he was looking forward to “taking the oil” in Southeast Asia. American troops are being dispatched to take control of the new American colonies and start exploiting their resources. It is hoped that they won’t run into any Japanese resistance.