I wanted to write a hip-hop musical like “Hamilton” about the debate, but I don’t have that kind of talent, and these guys aren’t worth it, anyway. I offer the following instead:
There once was a Texan named Cruz
Whose campaign had nothing to lose.
Lambasting the field
Refusing to yield
He said “I’m the one you should choose!”
Thus said the man they call Huck,
“Entitlement cuts really suck.
I love the unborn
All their deaths I do mourn
Too bad my campaign’s out of luck.”
There once was a guv’nor named Bush
His poll numbers needed a push.
While he has so much money
It’s not even funny
His speeches are duller than mush.
There once was a young man named Marco
Whose campaign required a spark-o.
He claimed to be new
What else could he do?
The age of his views were all dark-o.
There once was a doctor named Ben
Who made a large fortune, and then
He said to the poor
“All the pains you endure
Are due to your own fault, I ken.”
The GOP stalwart named Rand
Said Washington was out of hand.
He wanted to cut
Virtually everything but
There were too many lines in the sand.
There once was a Donald named Trump
Who played all the public for chumps.
He scowled and he blustered
His foes were lackluster
He left them all down in the dumps.