(Chuck Schumer and Secretary Mayorkas have come to talk immigration with President Biden. Harris watches silently, as usual)
B: Mr. Secretary! Chuck! How are you doing?
S: Fine, Mr. President.
B: What’s the occasion?
S: We need to talk about immigration, Mr. President.
B: Immigrants! Salt of the earth people! America was built on their labor! They need help, right away! What’s happening with the comprehensive reform bill?
S: It’s stuck in the mud. The Republicans won’t vote for it, even though some of them actually support it. They’re too afraid of the base.
B: What a bunch of malarkey! Do you need me to call Mitch? Barack used to have me deal with him all the time. They called me the McConnell whisperer back then, you know.
S: Mitch isn’t really the problem on this one. Opposing immigration has become the GOP brand, even though their donors don’t agree with it. It’s all about the reactionary base for them.
B: Well, we need to get something done. If you want me to call Mitch, just let me know.
M: In the meantime, we have a bit of a crisis at the border.
B: What’s that about?
M: With Trump gone, everyone is assuming the border is open. We’re being deluged. We don’t have enough facilities for all of the newcomers.
B: The border isn’t open. We’re still running a system here. We’re going to be humane about it, but we’re not letting everybody in.
S: In the meantime, the Republicans are pounding you for reversing Trump’s policies on Fox News.
B: If I’m being accused of being humane, I can live with that. We’re not going to mistreat anyone. At least, not deliberately.
M: We’re not the only ones with this dilemma. The EU and Australia have it, too. If you treat illegal immigrants decently, they think they have a green light to come, and you get more of them. If you brutalize them, you have to look at yourself in the mirror.
B: We’re always going to treat people decently as long as I’m president. I’m willing to accept the consequences of that. Anything else?
S: No, Mr. President. (They leave)