(It’s January 20, 2021. Trump is in the White House bunker with Rudy, Mike Pence, and Mike Pompeo. Melania and Barron have long since departed for Mar-a-Lago. Barr deserted the sinking ship a few days ago, to the disdain of the true believers.
There is a loaded gun on the table. Is it foreshadowing? Of course it is!)
TRUMP: I just don’t understand. Where did we go wrong?
RUDY: Maybe we should have worn masks and pretended to care about stopping the virus.
TRUMP: I hear you, but I just couldn’t do that. My brand is being strong. My father told me always to be strong. Masks are for wimps. I don’t think that was it.
POMPEO: Maybe you should have made more of an effort to feel the people’s pain.
TRUMP: What about my pain? The MSM are always banging on about the virus and dead people. What about me? My pain is much greater than theirs!
PENCE: The problem was that the American people didn’t deserve you. You made America great again, and this is your thanks for it? It’s an outrage!
TRUMP: Yeah, I think that’s it. I think they just got tired of winning so much, and wanted something different.
(An aide bursts through the door)
AIDE: The Bidenistas have reached the White House gate!
TRUMP: How long can you keep them out?
AIDE: Just a few minutes more! (He leaves)
TRUMP: We have to do something! Rudy, go over to the Supreme Court and file something! Amy Coney Barrett will save us! She owes me!
RUDY: It’s too late, boss. The Supremes won’t intervene. Anyway, I can’t even get there at this point.
TRUMP: M & M, any ideas?
POMPEO: You can always retreat to Florida and start working on your comeback. It worked for Nixon. And for Napoleon–sort of.
TRUMP: But I can’t do that. I’d be admitting that I was a loser! I can’t live with that! And the public might ignore my tweets! It’s BAD! It’s more than anyone can bear!
PENCE: I guess that leaves you with just one option. (He points to the gun)
TRUMP: Yeah, I guess you’re right. You’re coming with me, of course. Who wants to go first?
RUDY: I’ll go first. I don’t have any future. I even have the virus. There’s nothing left to lose. (He picks up the gun and blows his brains out)
TRUMP: M & M?
POMPEO: I don’t want to do it. I still have a future. I can run in 2024.
TRUMP: No, you can’t. You’re completely tied to me. You can’t tweet and own the libs the way I do. No one would take you seriously.
POMPEO: You’re probably right. (He shoots himself)
TRUMP: Mike, I guess you’re next.
PENCE: Anything in the service of you and my Lord. (BANG!)
(The aide bursts in again)
AIDE: They’re inside! They’re taking down your pictures and putting up Biden photos! The Andrew Jackson portrait has been removed! Dr. Jill is measuring the curtains in the Oval Office!
TRUMP: It’s time for me to go. (He blows his brains out, and the country is saved for another four years).