I was going to say “GOP Convention,” but the GOP is nothing but Donald Trump, and this extravaganza will prove it. Here’s what you can expect to see:
- PANDEMIC? WHAT PANDEMIC?: It’s an act of God. No one could have done any better. As Mark McGwire once said, “I’m not here to talk about the past.”
- EVERYONE ELSE IS TO BLAME: Blame Cuomo. Blame Newsom. Blame Pelosi. Blame Fauci. Blame Birx. Blame Schumer. Above all, blame China. They’re at fault for everything. I’m not even sure I like Xi anymore.
- BIDEN IS A SENILE, WIMPY TROJAN HORSE: Look at me and how smart and virile I am! I’m still young and spry enough to play 36 holes (using a cart, of course) every day! Take that, Biden!
- TAX CUTS AND CONSERVATIVE JUDGES: You liked the first four years. You ain’t seen nothing yet. The payroll tax and the capital gains tax are going down, America! Giving money to rich people is what makes this country great!
- THE ENEMY WITHIN: Last time, the arch-villains were illegal immigrants. This time, it’s the rioters and looters. They’re coming for you, America! You’re just lucky that Batman is still here to protect Gotham City.