President Donald Trump announced today that he had sold California to the People’s Republic of China for the price of $10 trillion. The purchase price also included a $1 trillion commission for him as the selling broker.
Trump hailed the unprecedented sale, stating that a small portion of the proceeds would be used to buy Greenland. He complimented Xi, the buyer, indicating that the Chinese negotiating team was “Tough. Very tough. But what did you expect, after they gunned down all of those people in Hong Kong! You can’t get things done in this world by being soft and weak!”
When asked how the residents of California felt about the deal, Trump replied “Who cares? They’re all leftists, anyway. None of them voted for me. They might as well be part of China. They’ll feel more comfortable with Xi as their leader–and good riddance!” The economic prospects for Greenland, in his eyes, were much brighter, particularly in light of the helpful effects of climate change.
Governor Newsom has already filed suit to block the sale, but the Supreme Court is expected to defer to Trump in this matter, as with all issues related in any conceivable way to national security. In the meantime, Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Disneyland are already being occupied by Chinese tourists. The PLA is expected any day.