(Donald Trump has reconvened the meeting of his fellow strongmen at his DC hotel. Erdogan is the first to arrive.)
E: Mr. President! Good to see you!
T: Good to see you, too! Sorry about the election loss in Istanbul. I guess the fake news got you.
E: Yes, and the high interest rates, too. They cause inflation and screw up the economy, you know. You would understand more than most.
T: True. Anyway, feel free to drown your sorrows. We’re having two-for=one at the bar.
E: I’ll pass, for now. (He heads off. Putin arrives.)
T: Vlad the Impaler! What’s up, bro? How’s my favorite Russian!
P: Very well, thank you. Congratulations on beating Mueller, although I must say, it took longer than expected.
T: It’s the rigged system. You know how it is. It’s not as if I gave you anything in exchange for your help.
P: Yeah, and we need to talk about that. You owe me. When are you going to do something about those sanctions?
T: Just wait until I’m re-elected. Then I’m free to do anything I want.
P: I’ve been waiting for a long time, you know. I’m tired of the excuses about your democratic system. It’s time to be a real strongman and show some balls.
(Duterte has entered the room.)
T: Rodrigo, you son-of-a-bitch! Welcome!
D: Trump, you son-of-a-whore! Good to be here!
T: I have a question for you. You’ve killed thousands of people–not that they don’t deserve it–and yet your polls are sky high. How do you do it?
D: Just ignore the fake news and stick to your guns. Literally.
P: See! There’s a man who understands what it means to be a strongman! If you see a problem, get rid of it!
(Xi has arrived with a large entourage.)
T: There’s my Chinaman! What’s up with the posse?
X: We’re all staying at your hotel. It enriches you personally and reduces the trade deficit.
T: Hey, great idea!
X: We know how the game is played. We weren’t born yesterday. We’ve been dealing with barbarians for thousands of years.
T: So when are you going to end the trade war?
X: When are YOU going to end the trade war? We can’t even figure out what you really want.
T: I love being unpredictable. It’s my stock in trade. The base loves it.
X: It also makes negotiations difficult. When are you going to tell us your bottom line?
T: You never know. Maybe now, maybe later. We’ll see.
(The last guest has arrived. The room erupts.)
ALL: Kim! (Once again, it sounds like they’re greeting Norm at Cheers.)
T: Little Rocketman! Glad you could make it!
K: Is Dennis here?
T: I tried to get him, but he’s still pissed off at me for being fired on “The Apprentice.” I bought you something instead.
(He gives Kim a framed photo of a nuclear test from the fifties.)
K: I love it! A foreshadowing, perhaps?
T: Yes, but where? That’s the real question. (Kim wanders off; Trump goes to the microphone.)
T: OK, people, I have some special entertainment lined up for you, including a special guest! (He opens the door, and out walks . . . MBS.)
MBS: Tonight, we’re going to watch a movie that not many people have seen before. I call it “The Last Moments of Khashoggi.”
P: This is going to be awesome!
E: I’m out of here. (The rest stay and enjoy the movie.)