Thanks to more of those invaluable Obama cameras and microphones, we have a record of Trump’s meeting with the Saudis yesterday:
Trump arrives at the royal palace (he had to leave Melania back at the hotel, of course). King Salman and Prince Mohammed are there to meet him.
KS: Mr. President! So good to see you! I hope you enjoyed the night at our seven star hotel!
DT: Well, it was OK, but it wasn’t a Trump hotel, so it didn’t have enough gold.
PM: But surely you enjoyed the service! We made sure that all the housekeeping staff were tens!
DT: In those black grocery bags, who can tell?
KS: Well, at least you have to admit our people gave you a warm reception.
DT: That’s true. I need to look into making your country a state in the US. It would help me win the popular vote next time.
PM: So, we need to talk about dealing with our deadly mutual enemy.
DT: You can help me with Comey?
PM: No, of course, I mean Iran.
DT: Oh, right, Iran.
KS: A rogue nation that has no respect for human rights and promotes extremism and terrorism all over the globe.
DT: Actually, that sounds a bit like your country.
PM: Not at all! God is a Sunni, not a Shiite. Anyway, they pretend to be a democracy, while we don’t even pretend, and they hang their criminals, while we behead ours. It’s way different.
DT: If you say so.
KS: We want to talk about ways in which we can work against our enemies.
DT: Sure, but don’t expect me to agree to just anything. I’m the Great Negotiator. I don’t give something for nothing. America First!
PM: Yeah, we’ve heard that.
DT: So where do you want to start?
KS: We could use more help fighting the Iranian proxies in Yemen.
DT: My advisers tell me the war is going poorly, and the civilian population is being brutalized for no obviously good reason.
PM: Fake news, Mr. President, fake news. The people in Yemen love us, and the war is going well.
DT: OK, I’m on board with that. As long as I don’t have to do any nation-building. What’s next?
KS: We need more help getting rid of Assad.
DT: Not so sure about that one. I can’t figure out who the bad guys are in Syria. My buddy Vlad says Assad is OK, and everyone else is a terrorist. You tell me something different. What am I supposed to believe?
PM: Has Vlad done anything to help you out recently?
DT: I’ll think about it.
KS: At some point, Iran needs to be confronted directly and forcefully. A few bombers should do the trick.
DT: Yeah, I’m planning to go to war with them eventually. Bibi says it can’t be avoided, and it will make me look like a strong and decisive leader. I have to deal with North Korea first, however.
KS: We understand. Just don’t forget.
DT: What are you willing to do for me?
PM: You mean, other than the huge new Trump hotel in Mecca?
DT: Of course.
KS: We’ll buy lots of expensive military hardware from you. We’ll tell the world that climate change is a hoax, just as you’ve said. And we’ll fight Iran to the last American.
DT: That’s the spirit. What about radical Islam?
PM: He moved to Iran. He never had any friends here.
DT: Oh, good. It sounds like we’re on the same page.
Trump leaves to pick up Melania, who is dying to get out of town.