Sarah Palin, Marco Rubio, Paul Ryan, and Rick Perry have just left LaGuardia Airport. They get into a cab.
CD: Where are you going, folks?
PR: Trump Tower, please.
SP: We’re off to see the Wizard!
CD: Huh?
SP: He channeled the anger of all real Americans and got elected President. They call him the Wizard of Id.
RP: What, like the old cartoon? I don’t get it.
PR: Of course you don’t. That’s why you need his help.
The cab driver takes them through multi-cultural neighborhoods in Brooklyn.
SP: Look at all of those strange people! They don’t look like real Americans to me. I bet not a one of them has ever shot a moose from a snowmobile.
MR: You’re not in Alaska anymore, Sarah.
SP: You betcha!
They pass a group of young men hanging out on a street corner.
PR: Look at those lazy bums! They’re just taking advantage of the hammock of dependency! We need to cut their benefits, now!
MR: Don’t you ever take a day off, Paul?
PR: Never! I can’t rest until I’ve taken away all of the benefits for the undeserving poor. We need the money for the tax cuts for rich people, anyway.
MR: Well, they don’t vote for us, so let it rip.
They arrive at Trump Tower, enter the building, and address the receptionist.
SP: We’re here to see the Wizard!
R: Who are you?
SP: Four Republican celebrities!
R: I’ll let him know you’re here.
Trump descends the famous gold escalator about fifteen minutes later.
DT: You’re here to ask favors of me. What do you want?
MR: Courage!
RP: A brain!
PR: A heart!
SP: To go back to Alaska!
DT: You’re asking a lot of me. He thinks for a minute, then turns to Perry and gives him a piece of paper.
RP: What’s this?
DT: A certificate of completion from Trump University.
RP: Will that prove I’m smart?
DT: Let me put it this way: it’s worthless, but lots of people paid for it, and you got it for nothing. That makes you smart.
RP: Thank you, Mr. Wizard!
PR: What about me?
DT: Well, if you’ll agree with me to put off any cuts to Social Security and Medicare, you’ll prove you have a heart. It’s in our best interests politically, anyway, so it doesn’t cost you anything.
PR: OK. Thank you, Mr. Wizard!
MR: And me?
Trump hands him a small box.
MR: A box of condoms! What does it mean?
DT: You had the nerve to make fun of my size during one of the debates. It proves you have courage. Or, at least, you did for a short time. Consider this a memento.
MR: Thank you, Mr. Wizard!
SP: And me?
DT: Don’t you want to go back to Kansas?
SP: No, Sam Brownback has run that state into the ground. I just want to go home to Wasilla.
DT: OK, you can have a ride on my private plane.
SP: Thank you, Mr. Wizard! Isn’t that expensive?
DT: Don’t worry about it. My accountants will figure out a way to write it off. It’s not like I pay taxes or anything.
Trump returns to his office on the escalator. The others leave happy.