Kevin McCarthy is meeting with four GOP House members to discuss the ransom note for the debt ceiling increase. They include: a CD from a Biden district in New York; a PBP from a reliably Republican district in Indiana; a reactionary from a rural district in Nebraska; and a CL from a bright red district in Texas. Let’s listen in!
M: I called you all here today to talk about our demands for the debt ceiling increase.
CL: We absolutely have to get spending under control. This is our chance. Nothing should be off the table.
M: So, what do you suggest?
CL: Go where the money is–Social Security and Medicare. They should be privatized, or at least cut dramatically.
R: What, are you crazy? My constituents are totally dependent on those programs. They paid into them for decades. It would be political suicide.
CL: There would be some short-term pain, but it would be worth it in the long run. Trust me.
PBP: Cutting entitlements is nuts. It would cost me my seat.
CD: Me, too.
M: OK, that one’s off the table. What’s next?
CL: Defense. Other than entitlements, that’s where the money is.
R: We’re not cutting defense with the Chinese breathing down our necks.
CD: Agreed.
PBP: Second.
M: That one doesn’t work, either. Next?
CL: Food stamps. We need to get the lazy minorities out of their hammock of dependency.
R: I’m sympathetic, but food stamps are part of the farm bill. My constituents depend on that bill. We can’t go along with that.
CD: Food stamps keep lots of hard-working people out of abject poverty. I can’t agree with that.
PBP: It doesn’t look like this one’s going anywhere, either.
M: Any other ideas?
CL: Foreign aid?
PBP: We can’t compete with the Chinese in world markets without making an effort to help foreigners. They buy lots of our products and help us diplomatically. Anyway, it’s a drop in the bucket.
CD: He’s right.
M: What else?
CL: Cutting IRS agents?
CD: I can go for that.
R: Me, too.
PBP: It’s unanimous.
M: OK, then. We are resolved to balance the budget by cutting spending on a program that actually increases revenues and reduces the deficit.
ALL: Right! (The meeting ends at this point)