Labor Day is so mid Twentieth Century. Globalization, technological advances, and the shift to a more services-oriented economy have emasculated labor as a political power in this country, and pretty much throughout the world. Today, if I can’t buy a machine to get my products out, I can just make a quick call to someone in China or India, and the problem goes away.
Today, we live in a more enlightened age, where it is universally recognized that the greatness of America was built, not on labor, but on the backs of risk-taking job creators. As a result, I would propose to replace Labor Day with Capital Day, to feature the following:
- Capital Day will be a holiday on capital gains taxes, not a day off for workers.
- All regulations favoring workers over business owners, including the minimum wage, are suspended for the day.
- Parades celebrating local businessmen (theme: “they built this”) will be held all over the country.
- There will be a ticker tape parade for hedge fund managers and bond traders in Manhattan.
- In schools all over America, children will be required to read “Atlas Shrugged” and recite from Mitt Romney’s 47 percent speech.
I made all of this up, of course. Or did I?