Superstorm Donald hit New York and New Jersey yesterday, causing countless deaths and hundreds of billions of dollars in property damage. The desperate citizens of the two states cried out for relief from FEMA. President DeSantis, however, stated firmly that no relief would be forthcoming unless the two blue states agreed to eliminate all manifestations of wokeness within their boundaries.
When questioned about the apparent inconsistency between his position on hurricane relief for red and blue states, DeSantis denied that any inconsistency existed. He indicated that the purpose of government was to provide assistance to real Americans, not to rootless, secular cosmopolitans who hate America and demean and exploit struggling workers in red states. It was consequently totally appropriate to provide storm aid for red states, but to demand reform in exchange for aid to states dominated by blue people.
In the end, it would be for their own good, said DeSantis. Sometimes, you just have to use tough love to get people back to God and traditional values.