Rudy Giuliani has come to Bedminster to meet with Trump, who, as usual, has kept him waiting for about an hour.
T: It’s America’s favorite mayor!
G: That seems like a really long time ago.
T: Why so gloomy?
G: It’s the price I’m paying for defending you over the election. The defamation suits, the attacks on my license, and the criminal investigations, just to name a few. It’s driving me down.
T: Well, never mind that. It will all work out in the end. It always does with me, doesn’t it?
G: Whatever you say, boss.
T: Anyway, I asked you to come here because I need your help again.
G: With what?
T: With this big document witch hunt, of course.
G: I can’t represent you in that. I’ve got too many things on my own plate, and I’ve already destroyed my credibility with too many judges. I’ll give you some free advice, though.
T: What?
G: Hire some real lawyers to handle this situation, which is more serious than you think, and stop telling them to turn their pleadings into press releases. It’s not helping. You’re in real jeopardy here.
T: That’s where we disagree. I’m winning.
G: Why do you say that?
T: First of all, I’m a winner, so I always win. That’s what I do.
G: Oh, right.
T: But beyond that, this is really firing up the base. My fundraising is through the roof. It’s putting me on the front page again. DeSantis will never have the nerve to challenge me now.
G: You don’t understand–this is a legal problem, not a political one. If you go into a courtroom, you’re dealing with a judge and a jury, not your base.
T: I don’t agree. This is really a political problem. The objective is to scare Biden and Garland enough that they won’t have the nerve to charge me. Public opinion is a huge part of that. So is the potential for violence. Lindsey got that right. If Garland thinks there will be blood in the streets, he’ll back down.
G: Don’t underestimate Garland. He’s smart as hell.
T: Garland is just a typical left-wing wimp. You can tell just by looking at him. I don’t care how smart he is. It’s a question of balls, not brains.
G: I hope you’re right. In any event, I can’t help you with that. (He leaves)