Putin has been trying to call Xi for days. At last, Xi reluctantly takes the call.
P: Xi who must be obeyed!
Xi: Impaler man! How are you doing?
P: I’ve been thinking about the Olympics. We stood together against America and the world. Those were the days. I miss them.
Xi: Good times. Good times. Those were the days. Before your war.
P: Don’t call it a war. Remember, it’s a special military operation.
Xi: Right, right. Anyway, it doesn’t appear to be going well. I think you got some bad advice. You need to fire the guys who told you the Ukrainians wouldn’t fight.
P: I’m all over that. They’re under arrest.
Xi: The problem is, proper autocrats like us only hear what our advisers think we want to hear. It’s a hazard inherent in the job.
P: I hear you.
Xi: So, what are you going to do about this situation? We’re not exactly generating a lot of soft power in the West here.
P: I need help from you.
Xi: What kind of help? We’re already buying your oil and running some cover for you.
P: We need weapons and money. We’re running out.
Xi: Are you kidding? The big bad bear that everyone fears can’t even beat Ukraine on its own? That’s kind of pathetic.
P: I know, it looks bad. But we autocrats need to stick together. If we don’t, America will go back to running the world by itself again. You don’t want that, do you?
Xi: No, but I don’t like being associated with losers, either. It’s not a good look.
P: The Americans are already telling everyone who is listening that this is a war for liberal democracy against authoritarian regimes. A lot of people are listening. If you don’t stand by me, and we don’t win, they’ll come after you next. Just you watch.
Xi: I’ll think about it, but if we do anything, it will have to be quiet. Don’t get your hopes up. (He hangs up)