Following a tour of the Capitol, President Trump announced that it would be demolished in the coming year. Trump explained that the existing building was too old, had too few working bathrooms, was too small, and lacked gold. As a monument to him, it was an embarrassment.
House Speaker Mike Johnson expressed his support for the project, as Trump was, as everyone knew, the greatest developer in the history of mankind. “Congress just gets in the way. We’re an obstacle to his greatness. Anyway, if he needs us for any reason, we can always meet in the new ballroom.”
Preliminary plans show the Capitol being replaced by a massive golden pyramid, to be a foot taller than the Washington Monument. Trump will be buried there with a few prized possessions and will continue to govern the country in perpetuity after his reincarnation.