Elon Musk gets Trump on the phone. Trump takes the call.
M: How’s the most powerful man in the world today?
T: Great! I just kicked ass in Iran! They’ll be begging me for mercy soon. How’s the richest man in the world?
M: Not so great. My businesses aren’t doing well, and I’m feeling remorseful about some of the things I said about you. How did things go so wrong?
T: You made three mistakes, Elon.
M: Which were?
T: First, you proved to be a liability during that election in Wisconsin. I don’t need that kind of baggage. The job is hard enough as it is.
M: Wisconsin probably was a mistake. What else?
T: You lost track of the real rationale behind DOGE. It wasn’t about saving money; it was about showing the deep state who was boss. You did well with that, but then you started complaining about my big, beautiful bill because it increased the deficit. I don’t care about the deficit. I care about being the boss. Which leads me to the third mistake.
M: Which was?
T: You may be the richest man in the world, but I’m the boss, and I don’t tolerate any open dissent. You started criticizing me. That’s unacceptable.
M: I’m not used to being a sidekick.
T: Life is about who has the cards. I’m the president. I always have the cards. Always. Never forget it. The Iranians sure won’t.
M: Is there anything I can do to get back in your good graces?
T: Maybe. Maybe not. If not, you’ll always have the destruction of USAID. That’s your legacy–thousands of dead African children.
M: Empathy is the enemy. Even if I’m not in your ear, never forget it.
T: No fears on that score. (Trump hangs up)