Lindsey Graham is worried. He has come to Bedminster to talk about the campaign. Trump keeps him waiting for an hour this time.
T: Linseed! Why are you here? Why aren’t you out campaigning for me?
G: I’m concerned about your campaign.
T: Why? I’m way ahead. I can’t lose. Unless, of course, the Democrats cheat again. We’ll be ready for that this time.
G: The polls say you’re behind now.
T: The polls have always been wrong about me. Don’t pay any attention to them. The country loves me.
G: They might be right this time.
T: America is not going to vote for a black woman. Or Asian, or whatever she is today. It depends on the audience.
G: That’s part of the problem. You’re spending too much time on identity stuff, and not on the issues. You should be talking about inflation, not giving Harris nicknames.
T: That’s what you don’t get, Linseed. The base wants entertainment. It doesn’t care about issues. It wants me to be me, because it has faith in me. Inflation is boring; criminal illegal aliens aren’t.
G: The base isn’t America. You need votes from the center to win.
T: I’ll win as long as the base remains loyal and votes. Business will follow because it has nowhere else to go. The rest of the country is a minority. That’s why I always win.
G: What about 2020?
T: I won in 2020. You forget–the election was rigged.
G: Oh, right. I forgot. There are reports that the crowds at your rallies are getting bored. They want to hear something new. Something that will improve their lives, not just yours.
T: Let’s put it this way. When the Stones are out on tour, do the crowds want to hear “Angry?” No! They want to hear “Satisfaction.” That’s why I give my fans the classics. They still love them. That’s why my crowds are much larger than Harris’. Much larger. Trust me on that.
G: How many times can you say nasty things about illegal immigrants? That gets old.
T: Not to my fans.
G: And do you have to call immigrants “animals?” That makes you sound like Hitler. The left thinks you mean it.
T: Maybe I do, and maybe I don’t. That’s the great thing about being an insult comic–nobody can really tell. I can tell the donor class that I don’t mean it. Who knows?
G: Well, do you mean it?
T: You’ll find out after I win the election.
G: Just remember–the electorate in 2024 isn’t the same one you won with in 2016. A lot of really old white guys who voted for you back then are dead. You can’t take anything for granted, particularly with Biden out of the race.
T: Yeah, that really pisses me off. He was entitled to run against me, and I was entitled to kick his ass. That was a crime against him, and America, and me. It was election interference. It was yet another attempt to rig the system against me. Guess what? I’m going to win anyway. As I said, America isn’t going to vote for a woman–particularly a black and Asian woman. It wants a strong leader. That’s me.
G: I hope you’re right. I’m not so sure. (He leaves)