(It’s 5:00 on December 24. Bob Cratchit is working in his cubicle at Scrooge, LLC when the boss, in “managing by walking around” mode, comes by.)
C: Mr. Scrooge, sir.
S: What is it . . . (he ostentatiously looks at the nameplate on the cubicle) . . . Cratchit?
C: Can I have tomorrow off, sir?
S: Why in the world would I do that?
C: Why . . . because it’s Christmas, sir.
S: Not in China, it isn’t. How am I supposed to compete with those people and their low labor costs if I give people like you unnecessary days off?
C: Actually, the Chinese get a whole week off for Chinese New Year. We should never have come back to the office, anyway. The pandemic might officially be over, but the virus is still out there, and I might get sick and give it to my child. He has special needs, you know.
S: (Sees a picture of Tiny Tim in the cubicle) Is that him?
C: Yes, sir.
(Scrooge walks around the office with an exaggerated limp)
C: There’s nothing funny about it, sir! He’s in really bad shape! If he gets the virus, it could kill him!
S: I don’t have time for that political correctness crap.
C: You sound just like Donald Trump, sir.
S: No, I don’t. Don’t get me started on him.
C: You’re not supporting him?
S: Of course not! I don’t want to burn everything down. I have too much to lose. Insurrections are bad for business. So are Trump’s stupid tariffs. Besides, he wants to run my business, and force me to suck up to him. I don’t need that.
C: What about DeSantis?
S: Way too much wokeness, and too little on tax cuts and business support. He has no idea what my business is like, and he doesn’t care. The Disney thing was a real turnoff, too.
C: Haley?
S: The best of a really bad lot.
C: Isn’t there anyone out there you really support?
S: My hopes died when Rick Scott didn’t run. Now I’m going to be forced to choose between a guy who wants to raise my taxes and a guy who will use government to attack me if I say anything bad about him. It’s the worst of all possible worlds.
C: That sounds really sad.
S: Kind of like your kid.
C: So what about Christmas?
S: As long as Biden’s still running the country, I don’t have much choice. Otherwise, he’ll be trying to get you people to unionize. He might even show up on the picket line.
C: So I get the day off?
S: Sort of. There will be a Zoom meeting at noon. I’ll text you the password.
C: Thank you, sir.
S: Don’t even think about ghosting me!
(Cratchit leaves)