Mitch McConnell has come to Kevin’s office to discuss the impending shutdown.
MITCH: Kevin, you’ve got to get better control of your caucus. The crazoids are embarrassing our party.
KEVIN: It’s not that easy. You try dealing with the Freedom Caucus for an afternoon. It’s worse than herding cats. It’s more like herding mosquitoes.
MITCH: Don’t forget that I have to deal with Ted Cruz.
KEVIN: Cruz is just an abrasive, ambitious opportunist. He’s not crazy, like my people.
MITCH: I think you’re giving Ted too much credit. Anyway, you need to get these people under control one way or another. You know we never win shutdowns, right?
KEVIN: Right.
MITCH: So, what’s your plan?
KEVIN: When we get really close to the cliff, we’ll reach an agreement with the extremists that includes virtually all of their demands. We’ll present that to the Senate. When the Senate says no, we’ll say the shutdown is the fault of the Democrats in the Senate.
MITCH: What about the part where you’re reneging on the debt ceiling deal?
KEVIN: We’ll say those cuts were a floor, not a ceiling.
MITCH: Oh, right. I’m sure the public will be on board with that. What then? How do we get the government back open?
KEVIN: After a short shutdown, the bad press will persuade the crazoids to make a reasonable deal.
MITCH: But they’re crazy. They can’t be reached. The only way you make a deal is to split your caucus, defy Trump and DeSantis, and accept the Senate budget. That makes you basically the head of a coalition of moderates in both parties that opposes the most likely nominees in our party.
KEVIN: Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that, but if it does, it does.
MITCH: Then how do you keep your job?
KEVIN: The Democrats will keep me in power.
MITCH: For a price, of course.
KEVIN: For a price. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
MITCH: This sounds like a disaster in slow motion to me. (He leaves)