C: The debates are scheduled to start in about a month. How would you assess the campaign so far?
S: Great!
M: Terrible!
C: Let’s start with you, Sebastian. Why are you so happy about the way things are going?
S: Because Trump is way ahead in the polls. He’s kicking DeSanctus ass all over the place. DeSanctus will be back in Florida crying his eyes out in a few months. He’s toast.
C: Why do you prefer Trump to DeSantis?
S: Because he was owning the libs long before DeSantis ever thought of it. Because DeSantis owes him his job. And because Trump is determined to burn it down. I know I can trust him on that. With DeSanctus, who knows? He’d probably just sell me out.
C: Aren’t you impressed with DeSantis’ record on wokeness?
S: I don’t even know what that means. It doesn’t have anything to do with my life. Trump is going to punish the people I hate–that’s all I need to know.
C: Mark, why do you say the campaign has been terrible?
M: Because nobody is talking about the issues that I care about. Trump just wants to burn it down and stick it to the people he hates–including me, I suppose. He doesn’t even pretend to have a program to make my life better; it’s all about him and revenge. And all DeSantis talks about is wokeness. What does that mean to me? Not a damn thing.
S: At least we agree on something.
C: You don’t think uprooting wokeness will improve your life?
M: I’m a car dealer. I’m worried about labor costs, taxes, and regulations. I don’t have any trans employees, and I doubt I have any trans customers. It just doesn’t matter to me.
C: How is your business?
M: We’re doing well, thank you. We’re not selling as many cars as we used to, but with the price increases, we’re making more money than ever before.
C: Some people call that greedflation.
M: I call it the free enterprise system. If you don’t like it, move to China.
C: Do you have a candidate at this point?
M: Not really. Maybe Tim Scott. I just want someone to start talking about the economy in a way that makes sense. The other stuff is less important.
C: Let me change topics completely at this point. Did either of you see “Barbie?”
M: My wife went. She loved it. I stayed home and watched sports.
S: Hell will freeze over before I would go to that movie.
C: Why?
S: All that crap about the patriarchy. The Bible says men are supposed to rule over women. God is a man. That’s all I need to know.
C: Do you think Barbie is a feminazi?
S: Absolutely! Women have way too much power in this country. That’s why we’ve gone completely soft. In my day, that movie wouldn’t even have been made, because nobody would have watched it. That’s why we need Trump–to take us back where we were when we were great.
M: My wife would disagree with you on that.
S: Who cares what she thinks? Or what you think, you RINO?
M: I’m out of here.