Lindsey Graham has come to Bedminster to discuss the upcoming campaign with the American Caligula. Trump, as usual, has left him waiting for an hour. Graham is finally escorted into the great room, where he finds Trump on a chair that looks suspiciously like a throne, with an attractive young woman dropping grapes into his mouth.
G: Mr. President!
T: Linseed! Good to see you! Are you here to talk about the campaign?
G: Of course! I can’t wait! And to deliver a message.
T: Oh, great. This is going to be good, I’m sure. Let me guess–it’s from Mitch and Kevin, right?
G: Yes.
T: And they want me to hold off on announcing my campaign, because they think it will hurt their candidates in the midterms.
G: That’s it.
T: And their reasoning is that they think the Democrat committee is damaging me politically, and all Republicans by implication.
G: Three for three.
T: Well, that’s exactly what I would expect them to say. And do you know why, Linseed?
G: Try me.
T: Because they’re RINOs, that’s why! They didn’t support my battle against the rigged election, and they still don’t! They think the system can be saved–that it’s good, even! They’re the problem, not the solution!
G: I’m not sure it’s fair to call them RINOs. They were Republicans before you were.
T: Of course, they’re RINOs, you dimwit! Anyone who opposes me, but claims to be a Republican, is a RINO by definition.
G: Why do you say that?
T: Because a real Republican knows the system is totally corrupt and needs to be burned down. What’s more, he knows that only I can do it. Give me absolute power, and I can deliver! Weaklings like Pence and DeSantis can’t say that.
G: It’s true. Mitch likes the system just the way it is. It gives him what he wants, and everyone else nothing. Not even the far left.
T: You believe in burning it down, don’t you, Linseed?
G: Of course, Mr. President.
T: Then let me hear you say it. BURN IT DOWN!
G: (Says it faintly)
T: I CAN’T HEAR YOU! SAY IT LOUDER!
G: Burn it down!
T: NOW MEAN IT THIS TIME! BURN IT DOWN!
G: BURN IT DOWN!
T: That’s my guy! Now, let’s go play golf. I’ll even give you a discount on your fees, and let you ride in my cart.
G: Oh, thank you, Mr. President! What an honor!
T: Just remember–you have no chance of winning. Winners win, by definition. I’m a winner. That’s how I know Biden couldn’t possibly beat me. You can’t, either.
G: Whatever you say, Mr. President.
(The two leave for the golf course).