(It’s 5:00 on December 24. Bob Cratchit is working in his cubicle at Scrooge, LLC when the boss, in “managing by walking around” mode, comes by.)
C: Mr. Scrooge, sir.
S: What is it . . . (looks at the nameplate on the cubicle) . . . Cratchit?
C: Can I have tomorrow off, sir?
S: Why in the world would I do that?
C: Why . . . because it’s Christmas, sir.
S: Not in China, it isn’t. How am I supposed to compete with those people and their low labor costs if I give you unnecessary days off?
C: Well, actually, the Chinese get a whole week off for Chinese New Year. We never should have come back to the office, anyway. The new variant is running wild, and I might get sick and give it to my child. He has special needs, you know.
S: (Sees a picture of Tiny Tim in the cubicle) Is that him?
C: Yes, sir.
(Scrooge walks around the office with an exaggerated limp)
C: There’s nothing funny about it, sir! He’s in really bad shape! If he gets the virus, it could kill him!
S: I don’t have time for that political correctness crap.
C: You sound just like Donald Trump, sir.
S: Trump is right about some things. Sometimes, I miss him.
C: Surely, you didn’t approve of the January 6 insurrection.
S: No. That was a bridge too far. It was bad for business. But we need a Republican who will get rid of Trump’s tariffs, while standing up for people like me. We’re the makers, you know. Without us, this country would be nothing, and people like you would be out of a job and begging on the streets.
C: So you really want Mitt Romney? Or Rick Scott?
S: They’re what we really need. Real capitalists–not a bogus one, like Trump.
C: What about DeSantis? He seems to be the flavor of the moment.
S: He spends too much time complaining about wokeness, and not enough about socialism. That’s the real problem in this country. And he spends too much money.
C: Which he got from Biden.
S: Which Biden got from me. We need to get that guy out right away. He wants to raise my taxes and cut my profits. He doesn’t show me the proper respect. And he likes unions way too much. He would probably order me to give you Christmas off.
C: So what about it?
S: I don’t want trouble with the socialists, so I will give you your day off. Sort of. There will be a Zoom meeting at noon. I’ll text you the password.
C: Thank you, sir!
S: And don’t even think about ghosting me!
(Cratchit packs up and leaves)