(It’s December, 2020. The pandemic is raging. Infections, hospitalizations, and deaths have reached new heights. In the meantime, Trump is sulking at Mar-a-Lago and refusing to do any work. He has actually gone so far as to lock the door to his bedroom, and he won’t come out.
Mike Pence arrives and bangs on the door.)
P: Mr. President, please come out! The country needs you! You alone can put an end to the pandemic!
T: What’s it to me? America betrayed me! I made the country great again, and they made me a loser! A LOSER! I’m not a loser, no matter what they say!
P: Mr. President, thousands of people are dying!
T: They’re probably all Democrats. That’s fine with me. They don’t respect my pain. They even rejoice in it!
P: But if you come out and solve the vaccine distribution problems, you’ll be a hero! History will vindicate you! Isn’t that enough?
T: Not if I’m a loser. I’d rather be dead. Leave me alone.
P: Well, if you won’t come out, at least authorize me to deal with the distribution problems. Someone has to save America!
T: All right. Do whatever you think you have to do.
(Pence leaves. A few days later, a White House aide bangs on the door with terrible news.)
A: Mr. President, the Vice President has died from the virus!
T: I’m sort of sorry to hear that. He did suck up to me most of the time.
A: Now we really need you! Please come out and fight the virus! Do it for Mike!
T: Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should do it. After all I alone can save the American people. I could do it again! They’d be sorry they voted for Biden! Maybe they’d even change their minds and put me back in office!
Nah. They’re not worth it. But I’ll tell you what–I’ll go play golf instead! Bring me my clubs at once!