(Donald Trump is alone in the Oval Office. He’s way behind in the polls, the pandemic is out of control, and the economy is on its knees. In desperation, he does something he’s never done before–he tries to pray. To his surprise, God answers immediately.)
G: Mr. President! I haven’t heard from you in a really, really long time. What do you want from me?
T: I need your help, Lord. I need you to win the election.
G: You’re a liar and a narcissist. You don’t care about anyone but yourself. You’re deliberately tearing your country apart. You don’t even really believe in me. Why would I help you?
T: Because I stand with your people, of course.
G: What, you mean that stunt where you held the Bible as a prop? That was embarrassing and offensive.
T: But I was just sending a message to your people that I love and support them. What’s wrong with that?
G: All people are my people. Even the ones who say they don’t believe in me. How would they really know? I didn’t make them omniscient, so I can’t very well blame them if they get things wrong.
T: You just can’t let Biden beat me. I’d be a loser! I can’t live with that. It wouldn’t be right.
G: I help those who help themselves. You could start by actually doing something to help your country instead of trying to tear it apart. Try telling people to wear masks, for example.
T: Masks are for wimps. I’m not going to tell people to be wimps.
G: That’s the best I can do for you.
T: So you won’t help me?
G: I don’t take sides in elections. If the American people are stupid enough to vote for you, they deserve you. If not, so much the better. Biden may not be perfect, but he’s a good and decent man, and America has suffered enough.
T: Please! I’m desperate here! You can’t just leave me here to lose!
G: Goodbye, Mr. President. With luck, this is the last time I will have to call you that.
(God leaves. Trump is still alone in the Oval Office.)