(It’s 5:00 on December 24. Bob Cratchit is working in his cubicle at Scrooge, LLC when the boss, in “managing by walking around” mode, comes by.)
BC: Mr. Scrooge, sir.
S: What is it (looks for name on the cubicle) . . . Cratchit?
BC: Can I please have tomorrow off, sir?
S: Why?
BC: Why, it’s Christmas, sir.
S: Not in China, it isn’t. How am I supposed to compete with those people and their low labor costs if I give people like you time off?
BC: But Trump is protecting you from the Chinese with his tariffs, isn’t he?
S: His tariffs don’t help, and the uncertainty is killing me. I have no idea what he’ll do on a day-to-day basis. It makes it impossible to run my business.
BC: Wow, you’ve really soured on him in the last year. It sounds like you support impeachment.
S: Not a chance! He may be erratic, egotistical, and out of control, but at least he’s on my side. If he doesn’t win next year, we could get Sanders or Warren, and then I’d be really screwed. You, too. You could be out of a job.
BC: At least Warren and Sanders support Medicare-for-all. I could really use that. I have a special needs child, you know.
(Scrooge peers into the cubicle again and sees a photo of Tiny Tim)
S: Is that him?
BC: Yes, sir.
(Scrooge hobbles around the office with an exaggerated limp)
BC: He’s in really bad shape, sir. Why are you making fun of him?
S: I don’t have time for that political correctness crap.
BC: You sound just like Trump.
S: On his more lucid days, he makes me proud to be an American again. I just wish he would have a few more of them and stop the trade war.
BC: But what about Christmas?
S: You’ll probably complain to some stupid federal agency that Trump hasn’t abolished yet if I don’t give you a day off, so you can stay home. But keep your phone on—I will send you some spreadsheets to analyze.
(He thinks for a minute)
S: Hey, there’s an idea! You could be an independent contractor . . . .