Fictional account inspired by an article in today’s NYT.
Kavanaugh enters a hall at Georgetown Prep. He is greeted by a member of the administration, who is, of course, a Jesuit priest.
JP: Mr. Justice, welcome home!
K: It’s always good to be back here. They understand me here.
JP: I imagine it’s a relief to get back to red America after swimming in the blue sea.
K: As Sarah Palin would say, you betcha.
JP: Does the place still look the same?
K: Well, you taught me that the truth was immutable.
JP: I’m not sure Pope Francis believes that. Well, make yourself at home. We’re always happy to see you here. He wanders off. Kavanaugh sees his old friend PJ.
K: How are you doing, man?
PJ: What’s up, Bart? We were worried about you during those hearings.
K: Piece of cake. Those Democrats are really dumb. They couldn’t touch me.
PJ: Yeah, they just looked and sounded like a bunch of people who were bitter they couldn’t party the way we did in high school. They don’t understand how hard we worked to get to where we are today.
K: There’s something to that. Where’s Judge?
PJ: He’s trying to stay out of public. He’s been shaken by the whole FBI thing.
K: Sorry about that.
PJ: Good thing he has such a bad memory, eh? Kavanaugh winces. Oh, I guess I shouldn’t talk about that.
Kavanaugh sees Squi.
K: There’s a sight for sore eyes!
S: Mr. Justice! Tell me, were you really as pissed off as you appeared to be?
K: Well, part of it was real, but part of it was for Trump. He let me know that he wanted someone who could fight for him. I did my best to look the part.
S: Well, you convinced just about everyone. Congratulations! How do you feel about being played by Matt Damon on SNL?
K: At least it was a real movie star, not Alec Baldwin.
S: What’s Trump really like?
K: He’s like us during our high school years, except he doesn’t drink and he never got over himself.
S: How’s life on the Supreme Court?
K: The office space and the gym are great. The rest of the justices are surprisingly friendly. Roberts told me to keep my head down and to stay off Fox News for a little while.
S: How long?
K: I’ll play that by ear.
S: What’s the statute of limitations on the administrative state?
K: A few years, at most.
A student approaches them.
STUDENT: Justice Kavanaugh, do you have any advice for me?
K: When the priests tell you that your past follows you forever, believe them. I’m living proof of that. He signs an autograph and leaves the room. The student and the priest remain.
STUDENT: Father, he lied under oath about stupid stuff like “boofing” and the “devil’s triangle.” Why are we sucking up to him?
JP: Because he’s the fifth vote to get rid of abortion on demand in this country.
STUDENT: Isn’t that a little bit cynical? Does the end justify the means?
JP: We Jesuits have always know how to get along with the powers that be to get what we want. It’s our birthright. It’s like oxygen to us. They leave.