It is 5:00 on December 24. Bob Cratchit is working in his cubicle at Scrooge LLC when the boss, in “managing by walking around” mode, comes by.
BC: Mr. Scrooge, sir.
S: What is it (looks for nameplate on the cubicle) . . .Cratchit?
BC: Can I please have tomorrow off, sir?
S: Why?
BC: Why, it’s Christmas, sir.
S: Not in China, it isn’t. How am I supposed to compete with those people and their low labor costs if I give people free time off?
BC: Wasn’t Donald Trump supposed to solve that problem with tariffs?
S: He hasn’t gotten around to that yet, but he’s working on it. He’s getting bad advice from some of the people around him. But at least he cut my taxes. That will help a little bit.
BC: I’m going to get a $4,000 raise out of the corporate tax cut, right? That’s what the Republicans said.
S: If you believe that, you graduated from Trump University. Trump just says things like that to sell his plans to the public. In reality, he believes what made this country great was job creators, like me.
BC: At least he didn’t succeed in repealing Obamacare. We wouldn’t get by without it. I have a special needs child, you know.
Scrooge peers into the cubicle again and sees a photo of Tiny Tim.
S: Is that him?
BC: Yes, sir.
Scrooge hobbles around the office with an exaggerated limp.
BC: He’s in really bad shape, sir. Why are you making fun of him?
S: I don’t have time for that political correctness crap.
BC: You sound just like Trump.
S: He makes me proud to be an American again. We aren’t tolerating losers anymore.
BC: But what about Christmas?
S: You’ll probably complain that you didn’t get any benefit from the tax cut if I don’t give you Christmas off, so you can stay home. But keep your phone on–I will send you some spreadsheets to analyze.
He thinks for a minute.
S: Hey, there’s an idea! You could be an independent contractor . . .